Boys sexually abused by women

Les garçons abusés sexuellement par des femmes crédit pixabay

I have collected a certain number of testimonies from men telling me about their first sexual experience with a young girl or woman, older than them, in their childhood or early adolescence.

These testimonies raised questions for me on different levels.

The first, I will say that my question is posed on the frequency. It appears that there are many more women than we think, or young girls, who have sexually abused underage boys. Whether in a recreational center, during holiday camps, in the toilets of middle school or primary school or during a chance encounter. According to statistics dating from 2010, they only represent 5% of sexual abuse... Which raises my second question, why aren't there more reports?

Firstly, I would say that this is the interpretation made by these men, as not being sexual abuse as such. Despite the non-consent, the embarrassment and/or the shame felt, due both to the incomprehension of what is happening and to the pleasure experienced in spite of themselves, they are unable to consider themselves (for some) as victims, abused. sexually by a woman when they were boys.

How can a man be a victim of a woman?

This is where society's outlook plays a huge role. Very often, they will develop the idea that it is something rewarding, that a woman older than them was interested in them and had a sexual desire for them.

I think there's the old idea that a real man is one who pleases women. Just like we will valorize a boy who has girlfriends and castigate a girl who has boyfriends.

I manage to see a change when in my questions, I reverse the paradigm.

What if it was a 9, 10 or 11 year old granddaughter who was sexually abused during a summer camp by a counselor or a friend 4 to 5 years older than her? How would you see things?

Subsequently, as an adult, in the construction of the emotional bond, this will have repercussions on control and/or domination.

Having difficulty establishing true emotional intimacy with the other, because the initial belief is that the other is only interested in you for sex or our body.

Think therefore that this is the only thing that interests the other and at the same time anticipate this belief by wanting to have sex to keep a certain form of control over what you believe to be inevitable.

There can also be a phenomenon of passivity in the "couple" formed, being completely subject to the desires of the other, not taking the initiative or assuming one's own desire, one's desires.

To achieve a form of “balance” and above all to forge a deep emotional bond of trust, it is essential to talk. I know that for a man, this is all the more difficult, because as we saw at the beginning of this article, the dictates of society do not really encourage awareness of this type of trauma and above all to accept these words with kindness.

And yet, what we consider unacceptable for a little girl is just as unacceptable for a little boy.

To conclude, it is important to increase societal awareness of male sexual trauma, challenge harmful gender stereotypes, and promote a culture of consent and mutual respect. This would help create an environment where men feel comfortable sharing their experiences and seeking necessary support.

There is no doubt that we would all benefit from it.